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Serving with Discernment in Times of Mourning
Grief is not a time for advice. It is a time for presence. Unfortunately, even with good intentions, we sometimes say things that wound rather than heal. In moments of loss, less is more.
Here are a few things not to say when counseling a grieving sailor:
- "At least they are in a better place."
- "Everything happens for a reason."
- "You will get over this."
- "God needed another angel."
- "Be strong."
I once heard a sailor say, "If one more person tells me to be strong, I might break something."
What he needed was permission to feel, not pressure to perform.
Let them cry. Let them be silent. Let them be angry. God is big enough for their pain, and so should we be.
Being a chaplain means entering the valley with them, not pulling them out too soon. Give them time. Offer compassion. Pray when invited.
Scripture Reflection:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15)
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